i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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