he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
