Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
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