I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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