mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
