Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
