I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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