I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
