remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
