Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
