When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
