Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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