I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
