Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
