$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
