wanna go halves on a baby?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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