Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
