I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
