its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Dick very happy bro
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
