Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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