I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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