guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize