you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
