i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
