I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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