if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
