I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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