There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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