True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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