She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
