if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
