bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
