wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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