Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
