I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
