you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
