Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize