Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
