Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
