I love black thongs
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
