I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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