I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
