I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
