Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
