There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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