Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
