it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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