No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
