My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
