I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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