im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
