You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
