maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
