Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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