in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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