dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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