That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
