I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
