he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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