I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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