Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
