You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize