I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
