I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
