He is an equal opportunity slut.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
