We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
