Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
