I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
