I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
