You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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