my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just gargled with NyQuil
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
