??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Everclear isn't food dammit
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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