Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
