i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
